Okay, so you’ve got a girlfriend whose company you love. She’d love a winter break away with you but the problem is that you know you’re gonna be a bit strapped for cash this year. Moreover, the spring and summer are already in your sights and your boy Mike has whispered in your ear something about a lads holiday.
You’ve got two choices: Do you freeze your balls off hiking in Snowdonia before drinking hot chocolate around a log fire that takes you several attempts and a few hand-burns to light? Or do you take Mike up on his offer and get on the plane to Paradise for a week?
You deserve a selfish holiday and, deep down, you know it. Life is okay at the moment but you’re a little bit bored of Netflix and chill, cheeky Nando’s on a Thursday night, Snapchat screenshots of your girl with her hand on her hip, and Chelsea getting humiliated at home by a team you hadn’t even heard of this time last year.
It’s all routine stuff. You want something different. You want a bit of banter with the lads on different shores. You want a banging lads holiday.
Location is key. Get the location wrong, and your lads holiday could be the biggest letdown since you got too smashed on cheap Jaeger bombs and flopped under the sheets.
Magaluf is a legendary lads holiday destination. Found on the Spanish party island of Majorca, it comes with a bigger reputation than your local barmaid. Hundreds of lads and thousands of girls flock to Magaluf all the time, each one of them a pleasure-seeker who wants sun, sand and parties.
The nightlife is booming, with the island able to attract some of Europe’s premiere electronic music DJs, and if you don’t want the party to end once the sun rises, it doesn’t have to because many venues are open 24:7.
And when you do finally call it quits until the next night, you can bob on a jet ski to cure your hangover.
Lots of people get a bit confused when asked to point out where Malia is on the map. When I asked my mate Gary to point it out, he thought it was located somewhere between Nigeria and Kenya.
No, mate. No one goes on a lads holiday to get lost in a jungle and captured by ISIS. That’s what stag-do’s are for.
Malia is located in Crete, an ancient Greek island that you can pretend is welcoming you and your wolf-pack as modern day gods.
Lads and lasses from all over Europe flock to Malia all the time in search of a slice of paradise. And with unbeatable nightclubs and irresistible beaches, they don’t have far to look to find it.
Getting there is really simple too; you fly directly to Heraklion airport before hopping on a 45 minute transfer. Malia is cheap, fun, and sexy. It’s perfect.
Some people say that Ayia Napa is so 1990’s, but we just shrug and ask whether or not the party and craic has actually ended here.
The answer is that it hasn’t. It’s still going, louder than ever before.
Ayia Napa is still the number 1 lads holiday destination if you want to really push the boat out. Located in Cyprus, this stunning resort is home to world-class bars, pubs and clubs, as well as some sandy white beaches that just scream chill-times.
For a banging club culture and friendly, positive vibes, you can’t go wrong with Ayia Napa.
A few years ago, Kavos was just an unassuming fishing village where the locals would fish before going home early. The residents enjoyed their quiet, habitual life of fish and wine, early to bed early to rise and all that craic.
Then someone decided to turn Kavos into a holiday resort aimed at young, wide-eyed, sex-mad Europeans for a laugh. God bless that someone.
In 2016, Kavos is the Mecca for lads holidays. It’s the Guns of the Navarone. Home to a main strip that opens its doors when the sun begins to set and keeps them open until it begins to rise again, you and your mates will be spoiled for choice when it comes to having a good time.
Then it’s off to the hotel for a quick kip before doing it all again in a few hours.
Tenerife is pretty old-school in light of all the new Greek resorts that have appeared in recent years, but that doesn’t mean it should be discounted. Indeed, Tenerife still has plenty to offer, including the ever-rowdy Jumping Jacks bar where boozers are encouraged to strip for free drinks.
Tenerife is situated in the heavenly Canary Islands and takes just a few hours to get to. It’s home to an incredible nightlife as well as stunning beaches and a wealth of daytime activities. Get on it.